2020 – swatting us in the face

I started this year thinking it would be just magnificent. Then my birthday came around and the world shut down. I admit I spent this year afraid to go to the grocery store. March was due to be a month of celebration and many drinks, but it was all cancelled.

Everything has been so strange and the last few months specifically have been a true mind-fuck. I realize it’s been over 12 months since I’ve written anything but it seems I’m always inspired this time of year. I receive the notification of my domain renewing and think to myself, “Shiiiiiit girl you need to do something with it.” Do I ever do anything productive? Nope. Do I enjoy it when I find the effort? Yes.

First of all, everything sucks. Second of all, masks work for me because it means I don’t have to worry about what the bottom half of my face looks like. So, the top half of my face is bitchin and the bottom half is wallowing in sadness. And I fuckin’ love it – legit cuts down on my prep time each day by at least 20 minutes.

Third of all, people suck. I’m not sure I was making a list of any kind but now I am. People fuckin’ SUCK. When COVID hit and everyone was quarantined, my job became a god damned nightmare. Everyone was home with nothing better to do than call me and complain about their neighbor’s dog shit not being picked up. We had to wildly alter how inspections were performed because we were being stalked – GoPros are now a thing so we can inconspicuously drive through a neighborhood and do our jobs while not being detected. Also, everyone thinks we are racist????? I feel like I shouldn’t need to tell someone, “I’m so sorry to be an inconvenience but I did not send you that violation because you are [literally any race], it’s because your lawn is dead as fuck” and yet it happens on the regular. Or, “I know this is not ideal but you cannot have two full-grown goats in this community nor can you build a shack for them in the back yard without approval.” And at the end of the day, I really just wish people would pick up their dog’s shit. Also, we don’t know what race you are when we are sending you a violation notice about your front yard being dead as dicks.

My office is closed to the public, which is amazing and frustrating simultaneously. It’s amazing because no one comes into our office and we are keeping our space contained. It’s frustrating because sometimes people show up without an appointment, which we have made very clear is required to visit our office, and literally ambush us at the door while we are trying to go in for the day or after lunch (which happened recently and we almost called the cops because of this level of crazy). It’s amazing because we have fewer vendors showing up randomly to solicit their business. It’s frustrating because when people do show up they have to interact with a digital doorbell system which is seemingly at the mercy of the wind and the tides and only works when it wants to. It’s amazing because I can answer the doorbell system from anywhere on my phone. It’s frustrating because the whole thing will error on a whim and lock everyone out of the system.

At the end of the day, this world we are in now is super fuckin weird. All’y’all need to check yourselves and your priorities because you never really know what is going to be the most important thing at any time. I spent this year worrying about my job and not much else, while my best friend in the world was disappointed I had not come to see her and she was fighting chemotherapy. I had so many reasons to not visit (COVID totally aside) and I was still an ass about it. I’ve been trying desperately to be less selfish and stop finding excuses to isolate.

Effort is needed in friendships and relationships, and you gotta get your priorities straight. It’s so hard when you’re geologically distanced and each of you are living your own lives but it’s fuckin necessary. We all need people. I have some of those people but I’m admittedly a dick about recognizing and appreciating them.

November will launch the Month of Thanks series and I really want to stick with it and write every day for you. It’s usually what inspires me to write regularly again and I hope 2020 doesn’t disappoint on that front as well.